Tuesday, March 30, 2010

the march into spring

onion ring glasses are always a "yes"
unfortunately for isaac, he inherited my winking skills.  i.e. winking with your whole face, and not in a cute or coy way.  sorry, pal.

it is officially spring.

this may not mean much to you.  in most ways, it doesn't mean much to me, except in the availability of good asparagus, the abundance of chewy candy and all those daffodils in the supermarket.  come on, those daffodils are adorable.  

so, i'm getting a bit off track.  along with volatile weather (and amazing daffodils!  last mention, i promise!), spring also brings its own kind of vibe.  what can we call it?  audacity?  pluck?  i don't know.  i only know it shows up sometime in march and leaves whenever it feels like it.  so audacious.  

this year, it seems particularly bold.  and while none of my boys are spring-born, they have caught on to the lingo and speak it fluently, brashly and kind of frequently.  i can't quite curb it, though.  really, because, i'm kind of with them on it.  i feel the spring fever.  i was thrilled for school to be let out.  i bid the aides farewell with wild-eyed spring fanatacism.  or frazzled bewilderment.  they look kind of the same.  trust me.

in any case, over the weekend, isaac was caught doing an assortment of destructive things.  mostly chewing things.  as in, non-edible things.  like the remote control.  now, i can understand a preoccupation with wanting to chew stuff.  because, as i've already mentioned, i love chewy candy.  (haribo rainbow frogs.  eat them.  love them.  call me.  we'll talk about them.)  and, honestly, i've eyed a certain giant, pink plastic dolphin that keeps circulating around here, and thought in a moment of stress i might gnaw on that dorsal fin.   but, the remote?  i don't see it.  not chewy.  that he wanted to chew on the remote, and all the other stuff he kept sneaking off to bite, was less surprising than his reply when we told him to take it out of his mouth.  

he was incredulous.  he made the uhn-uhn face.  and said, "but it's spring break!"  

then, we were incredulous.  how had we fast-forwarded through boyhood and shown up at his 
hotel room during a filming of mtv spring break (wait.  do they still even do that show?)  we faked sternness.  probably badly.  but it got me thinking.  this week has the potential to be all that i could dream of... if i just follow that philosopy.  "but, it's spring break."

doritos for dinner.  endless dr. pepper.  shameless movie-watching.  haribo frogs by the bucketload.  don't tell me it's wrong.  because i'll just wink at you, with my WHOLE FACE, and you know what i'll say... 

Friday, March 26, 2010

have you ever?

i was thinking while on the road today about preferences and habits.  i was mostly thinking about that because of the decals on the car in front of me.  i thought the decals were mostly ridiculous, but it got me wondering what people would think if i slapped a couple of my quirks on the back of the van.  i could certainly market these stickers, if any of my pals also share these preferences, so i'm just wondering... have you ever:
1.  forgotten you had a guest in your home and marched (literally) past them singing, "the little drummer boy"?  and, not in december.
2.  accidentally stolen a bottle of vitamins because you didn't see them in the bottom of your stroller, and then, couldn't take them until you'd paid for them because you were certain that they would be ineffective on a thief like you?  
3.  crawled along the floor of the grocery store looking for iron man's shoulder plate?  and were less bugged by doing that than by people's reactions to you crawling around on the floor?    
4.  thought neon pink might be your color  (not 20 years ago, like recently.  or today, even.) ?
5.  bought a ginormous bag of salt-water taffy, in spite of hating it, just because it was sooooooo pretty?
6.  caught sight of your reflection, and realized that the facial expression that you must be wearing at least 50% of the time says something like "i don't have time for this"?
7.  refused to pass someone on the road because, from behind, it looked like their passenger was a human-sized stuffed bear, and you liked that idea so much you couldn't bear for it to be disproved?  
8.  made cookie dough but never actually baked it because you just kept it in the fridge and ate it every time you walked by?  every time.  
9.  been the person who can be counted on to laugh every time you hear the quote, "are you out of your vulcan mind"?  and can you somehow make that mean that you have a very sophisticated sense of humor?  
10.  wondered if wall.e isn't more human than a lot of humans that you know?  his little clickety-click hands(?) really get me.  
in any case, if you can answer "yes" to any of these questions, a) we are meant to be, and b) i'll start printing those bumper stickers.   

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

parents strongly cautioned

this post is naughty.  because, today, was a mostly naughty day.  you have been warned.  
i woke up with a familiar reluctance, but somehow felt myself moving even more slowly than usual.  and, you know that saying, "you don't know what you don't know"?  i would like to take this moment to disagree.  i think sometimes you might know EXACTLY what you don't know.  
let's run through the day and see the many areas where it may have gone wrong, and then, wronger. :
9:30 a morning meeting at home that kept slipping my mind and that i forgot to clean up for.  never failing to come up with a bizarre non-solution, 
i decided to whip up some lemon mini bundt cakes instead of either showering or cleaning.  during the meeting, i gazed around and noted the smudgy dining room table, the ground goldfish crackers underfoot, and the mostly dead (but-once-glorious!!) roses in the
 center of all the action.  i struggled through several emotions and settled on bemused.  it's one of my favorites.
10:20 the meeting ends early and just after the lemon bundts have come out of the oven.  i consider the possibility of eating all of the mini bundts myself in a sort of day-long bundt-buffet, but decide against it and order some of my meeting-mates to stay behind while i ice them.  i force everyone under my roof to eat at least one.
12-ish ragain swings by to pick me up for lunch with his parents and brother, robert, and informs me that isaac's teacher has just called to say that isaac is having a terrible day.  a day that has already included some kind of tantrum, throwing of various objects and calling his poor aide "a jerk".  lunch immediately feels sort of regrettable as i mentally compose
 an apology note to poor mrs. h.  
2:00 get back home and learn from my mom that lucas had attempted to wash his hair in the toilet while i was gone.  while disgusting, i decide we can live with it.  we've definitely seen worse.  
3-ish go to pick the twins up from school. 
 although, arriving more than 10 minutes before the bell, i cannot find a parking spot except for across the street.  i steel myself for the potential of further bad news regarding isaac's misdeeds.  and wonder if i should have brought flowers for mrs. h.  the boys are relinquished to me without too much bad news and i am anxious to get them home.  as soon as we pull out into the long line of cars, isaac yells at jacob, jacob throws a punch and isaac hits him over the head with a book.  the afternoon agenda will now include dual time-outs.  i tell isaac that i'm very disappointed about what he said to mrs. h. and that i'm sure that it hurt her feelings.  he cries and tells me, "that breaks my heart".  it breaks my heart a little bit, too.
i get everyone inside and although tempted to "forget" about the time-outs, i carry them out in spite of massive protest.  tutors arrive, homework takes over an hour as many of us are feeling emotional and have an apology letter to write in addition to a loathsome math worksheet.  our "new foods" program is stalling on the homemade pizza.  isaac and jacob d
on't want to eat anything but the crust.  it takes 30 minutes before isaac will take one bite to earn his bowl of ice cream.  jacob puts a bite in his mout
h but pulls it out and says "that's disgusting!"  no hard feelings.  it only took me 2+ hours to make it.  
5:30 the tutors leave just as i put isaac in his 3rd time-out, this time for throwing a toy at me when i won't give jacob a bowl of ice cream.  i debate about whether or not to take everyone on a long drive until bedtime, but refuse to acknowledge my own defeat.  i give everyone special milk, throw them each in the bath, and ignore the massive amount of water that is sloshed all over the bathroom floor.  
7:30 baths over.  melatonin administered.  i try to get into the spirit as i read a book about monster trucks and then a chapter of a lemony snicket book.  all 3 boys fall asleep and i saunter out to the living room.  i am about to congratulate myself, when i remember, again, the assignment that had come home in jacob's backpack...

in his defense, it is a word.  and is correctly spelled.  i feel sort of embarrassed, but i'm going to settle on bemused.