tucked in

my mom brings this rug over for her dog, shiloh, when

she comes to babysit.  lucas always hurries to find

nemo to tuck him in, you know, in the "anemone".

the twins are both sick.  they've been sick since sunday. 

feverish.  congested.  cranky.

the weather commiserates.  

gloomy.  gray.  rainy.

but the week cranks on.  tutoring meeting for lucas, planning team meeting with tutoring company and regional center, and last night, a meeting for a new autism "project".

i like new projects.  i like the renewal of hope and purpose.  and i like the energy and the shift of perspective.  

in one of my favorite documentaries about autism , a particular dad says something about the realization that your child has autism and that's it.  forever.  my heart always sinks when he says that part.  not because it resonates with me as true.  

but, because it doesn't.  

even though, i understand the heartache that made him say it.  

can i tell you something?  for me.  when it started to get lighter.  when i got my bearings.  when i could see straight.  when i could breathe without the word autism catching in my throat.  i saw the tiny platform, high above the ground, that my little family huddled on for what it was.  

a jumping off point.  

not the summary.  or the resting place.  it was the start of our trajectory.  and in the distance.  maybe beyond where anyone can see, is where we'll end up.  maybe it will have only been a few feet.  maybe a few thousand.  but that tiny, precarious platform was not "it".  and it is not "forever".  

and i am grateful to know that.  

at this moment,  i feel movement in the autism community.  there is a stronger commitment to awareness and an urgency to forward positive changes.  and there are moments when i get to be a part of that.  and i am lucky to have those moments.  i am even luckier, to get to think about them, from a warm spot at home.  tucked in with my sweet little boys, and an upturned icee on the carpet.    

***in response to the autism-related events and reading that i've been doing.  also, with an eye on the approach of april, as autism awareness month.    

last weekend, and last-last weekend

in a cage fight, between last weekend and last-last weekend, i think i know who would emerge victorious... but, you tell me.

last-last weekend:

we took the boys to the san francisco zoo.  they had fun.  we had fun.  we took family photos and looked toward the camera.  we saw a hippo, both in and out of the water.  we got souvenir pennies.  and rode a speedy little train.  we stared (sort of endlessly) at a colony of peacocks and admired their confidence.  we were not stalked by the snow leopard.  (that part was important.  the sacramento zoo snow leopard has us on its "if-i-ever-get-out-of-this-enclosure-i'm-gonna-eat-you" list.)  

good times.  see below.

 

last weekend:  

we took the boys miniature golfing.  for the first time.  ever.  

i blame saturday's good weather.  and the 7+ days of amoxicillin.  combined, they created a sense of invincibility.

as the photos may indicate, we had no interest in observing the rules of miniature golf.  

we did not keep score.  we did not line up the ball.  we sometimes swung the club like a baseball bat.  we sometimes clocked our little brother in the head.  we yelled into the lights that looked like megaphones.  

on the bright side, we made it through all 18 holes.  we did not cut into anyone else's game.  we didn't throw any of the balls.  we didn't recall any of the many episodes of america's funniest home videos where someone gets hit in the groin with a golf club, and try to re-enact it.  

i think we get bonus credit for that last one.  

and super-bonus credit because we learned something new.  we forgot (temporarily) that this type of activity might be really hard for us, and we did it anyway...

so, maybe, we have a tie.

home is where the hard is

although my day was rough, it wasn't nearly as terrible as my play-on-words title.

tuesdays are many things.  weekly tutoring meeting day.  wash-all-the-sheets day.  occasionally, election day.  and back-to-business day, because frankly, monday is usually more of a survival thing.

this tuesday was all it could possibly be.  i woke up feeling really disoriented.  that feeling lasted well into the morning when one of the tutors discovered me sitting semi-conscious in front of the laptop, earbuds half-in (i hate stuff in my ears), covered in powdered sugar (mouth, shirt, pants, etc.) and watching a middle-aged man lip synching to mariah carey.  in retrospect, this was actually one of the high points.

the low points went more like:

*  jacob has been refusing to say goodbye to me in the morning, instead preferring to say "thank you".  after extra prompting this morning, he modified it to "thank you, mrs. lippy".  it shouldn't bum me out, but sometimes, it does.

*  ragain's morning appointment turned into an all-morning-until-time-for-work appointment.  this was lame all by itself, but more lame because it meant no opportunity to run to the grocery store to get some child essentials.  apple juice = nectar of life, to lucas.

*  did i mention laundry?

*  i had to give compliance instructions to lucas for the better part of his morning shift.  this isn't hard, it's just time-consuming and vaguely disappointing since he only responded to 3 of my 9 directions.

*  the weekly tutoring meeting for lucas was geared toward familiarizing him with time-outs.  it's necessary, but setting your child up to get a time-out over and over again is rough.  especially when he has no idea why you're suddenly such a stickler about him listening to you the FIRST time you say something.  at first, he didn't seem that upset.  and it was sort of funny watching our director try to stay impartial as lucas kept saying, "why, martin? why?  let's play 'go play'.  martin.  martin.  why?"  but by the end, he looked exhausted and sad.  and i felt like a jerk.

*  lucas runs away from me when we walk out to the car to go pick the twins up from school.  he was still kind of anxious from the time-outs, and i couldn't really blame him for wanting to get away from me, but it freaked me out because i couldn't catch him right away.

*  the escape-attempt rattles me almost until i start crying, then i start the car and realize i'm out of gas.  mental expletives ensue.  crying almost erupts.  i settle down in time to not find a parking spot at the school.  (i thought people liked WALKING on nice days)

*  get kids.  get gas.  get milkshakes.  lucas conks out.  wake lucas.  balance milkshakes.  herd boys and backpacks inside.  direct shoe placing, hand washing, backpack hanging, get shorts for isaac who hates to wear pants any longer than required, grab homework folders, sort paperwork, choose incentives and pull boys to the table.

*  homework.  kids hate it.  i hate it.  we sit in front of it for 2 hours.

*  tutors come and leave, taking their delightful iphone apps before jacob can earn them.  this results in an inconsolable jacob.  luckily, isaac was right there to write the note in the photo (above) and stick it in jacob's face to end the sobbing.  shockingly, this tactic failed.

*  dinner, showers, nail care, new sheets on beds, chocolate mousse for dessert (eaten by 1, declared disgusting by others), vitamins, melatonin, book, prayer, lights out.

*  more laundry.  dinner for me- bag of kettle corn.


now, because i hate to leave things on a bad note, i will tell you...

k brought me a jamba juice and didn't laugh when i showed her my future craft projects.  


lucas and i eventually made up.


isaac listed the virtues of wal-mart during dinner.  hint: toys, candy, food and underwear.


jacob hugged me extra tight when i picked him up from school.  then he hugged lucas.  i guess he could tell we both needed a hug.

***tomorrow is the first official walk meeting of 2011!***