crazy hair day

a flame-haired isaac & purple-maned jacob

crazy hair day is officially awesome. sure, it was raining. and really cold. and during a random week in february. but, still, awesome.

isaac told us that he wanted his hair to look "like fire". i don't think we achieved that...but we had fun trying. and his hair was actually astonishing to look at.

jacob did not want his hair to be touched. at least, initially. he started to warm up after seeing isaac's technicolor hair. ragain sealed the deal by showing him how easy it was to wash the colored hairspray off. that's when he said, "purple". we tried to persuade him to add another color, but jacob tends to be a fan of the less-is-more ideology.

with the big boys off to school, those colored hairsprays just begged to tint our little blondie-locks. and, in spite of hating all hair-related activities, like washing, cutting, brushing and gelling, lucas was instantly on board. he picked purple, too...

would it be wrong to make this permanent? because, i might love it. LOVE.

i mean, look at it in the sun!!!!

LOVE.

anyway, after picking up the twins from school with lucas and my mom, we headed out to t.j. maxx.

side note: until very recently, i hated t.j. maxx because i do not enjoy digging through piles of remnants. however, it seems that lowering my expectations (to zero) is really what makes this particular shopping experience enjoyable.

anyway, i was looking (vaguely---and with zero expectations) for a kitchen rug and i was running out of places to look. so, i thought maybe a far-flung t.j. maxx might be just the place.

it wasn't.

however, while looking (digging) through the kitchen utensils, and holding onto jacob and lucas, a woman with a cart comes behind us. i was mostly unaware of her until she said, "great hair!"

should i remind you? this was my merry little band at that point:

i laughed as i turned to look over my shoulder at her, and said, "yeah, crazy hair day at school."

she laughed, too. but then looked sort of confused. she started to walk away, and then said, "uh, you have great hair, too."

then, i looked confused. but she was already gone. and i couldn't clarify whether or not she meant to compliment my disheveled ponytail and baby-bang-feathers. i think i might have been better described as sloppy, or war-torn.

i might have talked myself into accepting that maybe she thought i DID have great hair. but i didn't have time to get too high on her kindness, because as i dumped my finds onto the counter, tried to help isaac to pay for his souvenir and still keep my smile from slipping straight off my face, the cashier gave me a look of concern and said,

"looks like you have your hands full."

and for a second, i felt the weight of it. my messy hair. my slippery smile. my sometimes-short-temper. a stranger's guess that i don't have it all together. the mile-long to-do list that is waiting for me at the start of every day, and how i won't get it done. my failures and weaknesses and frailties. a reality that is hard, and different.

and as quickly as it settled on my shoulders, i took a breath and smiled. i nodded at her and said, "indeed", before bobbing out the door with my rainbow-colored lovelies and our collective great hair.

the best medicine

i am not feeling well. there is some sort of swamp in my head...

just ask k, who i mistakenly texted instead of ragain last night. i thought i was asking ragain to pick up some "sweet treats" for me on his way home. but, really, i was speaking (cryptically and affectionately) to k. and because she is a dear friend, she left her warm house, late (late!!) at night and fetched a ginormous drink and snack from sonic for me. thanks, again, k!

a get-well-soon heart from isaac

isaac has done his part to perk me up, as well. while i was slouching on the couch last night, he colored and cut out a heart, then came and put it on my shoulder. he also delivered an "i'm sorry letter" for various misdeeds the night before...

it says: "dear mother, i'm sorry for oweing you in

apologey about being naughty!"

and, just this moment, ragain walked in with an armful of snacks, including a box of the always exquisite le petit ecolier cookies. and, i just wonder, how can i help but get well soon?

oh, valentimes

yes, yes. i know. i misspelled valentines. but, on purpose. artistic liberties and everything.

anyway, february has added further proof that 2011 might really be our year. i submit the evidence for your review.

our valentine photo shoot: lucas, jacob

and isaac.

exhibit a: we completed our annual valentine cards with relative timeliness. it was not our most creative year, but the punctuality may have compensated. isaac was very excited by the arrival of valentine's day this year. he addressed one of his classroom valentines to "maddy-cakes" and although i pointed out that he might want to use her given name of madelyn, he assured me that "it's ok. i call her that. she'll like it." we haven't heard from maddy-cakes' parents, so i'm going to assume no harm, no foul. he also made several homemade valentines for jacob's former teacher, in addition to writing me a love letter for an assignment. i love a romantic soul, don't you?

exhibit b: our laptop was "fixed" for 2 hours. then, "broke" again. then, was FIXED, again. total cost... zero. if you see becky at the roseville apple store, feel free to give her a kiss from the blackard family. if you see ragain, who negotiated the gratis repair from becky, give him a solid pat on the back. we're gonna have words if you try to kiss him.

exhibit c: february has been a sweet feast. lemon-raspberry cheesecake, moose munch, key lime gelato & graham cracker sandwiches, coconut cookies, red velvet cupcakes and girl scout cookies. xoxoxoxo

exhibit d: lucas shocked me one day by singing this song out loud. it felt like a gift to my heart and i wish i could have folded that moment like a note in my pocket.

the next day, he got frustrated when i made a phone call in a parking lot after promising him a happy meal, and shouted, "hey, mom! let's play drive the car!" i really appreciated his mary poppins spin on getting me to hang up and drive.

exhibit e: jacob discovered the marvels of mc hammer. he has fully embraced "too legit to quit" and likes to shout "break it down!" during "can't touch this". this makes me laugh and cry at the same time (aka putting one foot into crazytown).

exhibit f: i may have convinced the boys that showering in our room is more fun than taking a bath in (and flooding) their bathroom. how did i do it? as isaac says, "i have absolutely no idea". budding genius or exploitation of a novel environment? you decide.

exhibit g: i still believe this is our year. i also believe in the power of positive thinking.

there. i rest my case.

birthday boy

a larger than life lucas








my little lucas is 5 today. and i can hardly believe it.




to kick-off this momentous occasion, here's a quick sketch of the phenomenon that is, lucas.




lucas a.k.a. lukey, lukey-luke, luke, baby lucas, and goo




before lucas had acquired much language, he would attempt to order chicken nuggets at any and all drive-thru windows using a long series of jabber. it usually worked.




ever since we can recall, lucas has had a passion for animals. anything having to do with animals. anything resembling or picturing an animal. he once tried to get me to buy a bag of wood chips because he thought the wood grain pictured on the package looked like zebra print.
he also argued with me once over whether or not a bird in a book was a penguin or a puffin, you would think that i could have won that one, having the ability to read and all, but he was somehow infinitely more persuasive.




lucas has offended numerous people by screaming "ouch!" when they tried to sing him a song. consequently, i'm fairly sure he can have a job as an american idol judge if the zoology profession doesn't pan out.




lucas is one of my favorite people to watch "the office" with. we like to re-enact our favorite scenes. we also enjoy "so you think you can dance" re-runs and might be found copying the choreography.




lucas pretty much has the ultimate sweet tooth. shunning nearly everything savory except for french fries and chicken nuggets. he won't eat goldfish, chips or popcorn, even though his brothers would happily make a meal of those three things. he will, however, eat his weight in fruit newtons, cookies, fruit snacks, graham crackers and raisin bread. we're doing a "new foods" program, but we have our work cut out for us.




if you ever come across lucas, you might realize that he has a magical power. it is the ability to make you hug and or kiss him whether you are that sort of person or not. i used to think it only worked on ragain and i and our moms...but then i noticed it happening to everyone who interacted with him. his tutors, o.t., my friends, and the twins' teachers and aides. mostly, if he smiles at you, you're gonna need to hug (and maybe kiss) him. my advice: don't fight it.




happy birthday, to a little boy who makes me and my heart smile every single day. love you, lukey.

monday (pants optional)

my three sweets watching the swedish chef

our monday went a little like this.

the twins went to school with heavily gelled hair and limited complaint. lucas has a bit of a cold, so we canceled his therapy session and let him (and his nose) run around in pajamas until late morning. even when under the weather, lucas is pretty easy to get along with. he's even easier to get along with while watching PBS kids, or in his estimation, "suicide kids".

somewhere in between "the cat in the hat knows a lot about that" and "dinosaur train", ragain and i managed to pack up all the rest of the Christmas remnants into the storage boxes. if we can get any credit for having done that before february, i would like to collect that now.

we ran some errands. we got our sick little man a giant root beer. we made it just in time to pick up isaac and jacob from their minimum day at school.

after some shuffling, and ragain leaving for work, all 3 boys and i met up with my mom to go to the park. usually, isaac and jacob would have therapy right after school, but we have a new tutoring schedule that frees up our monday afternoons. hurray.

we drove to one of our favorite parks and the boys ran around like wild animals. all of the sudden, lucas called out from the top of one of the play structures... he was peeing. all over. and, i do mean, everywhere. i was stunned. my mom was stunned. lucas looked kind of surprised, himself. then, he was like, ew. and, let's just take these pants off. i scrambled up the play structure and tried to pull him over to the car. now, he's mad. he doesn't want to leave. he just wants to frolic around with no pants on.

of course, i have no spare clothes. in fact, ragain and i just bragged about how lucas never has had many "accidents". note: bragging might = chumps.

my makeshift solution: his sweatshirt becomes booster seat cover. pants, underwear, socks and shoes go into an empty bag. wipes substitute as full shower. cotton re-usable bag becomes loincloth. bribes include phone apps and fruit snacks. after my lesson in resourcefulness, i sat in the car staring out at my other two boys still playing and feeling sort of dazed.

after the twins are semi-exhausted, we make a quick milkshake run to mcdonald's and i consider trying to pretend that there's nothing weird about my half-naked child in the backseat. considering it gives me a headache.

back home. we conquer homework after an hour and a half of diligence. it is somehow time to get ready for bed. we do some reading. we watch the swedish chef on youtube. (it only gets funnier.) clip nails. take vitamins. brush teeth. compromise on bedtime story. answer a million questions about bedtime story. prayers, water and chapstick.

i let lucas watch NOVA as a visual nightcap while i take a timeout in my room. and during my timeout, he put himself to bed. and i missed it. that final sweet moment of the day. so, i kiss his forehead and settle in next to his sniffly little body, wearing mismatched pajamas and his bright green crocs.

"the cape" is over. and i'm looking forward to tomorrow. good night.

welcome 2011 and happy birthday, k!

me, k , and our pal, jeff on walk day 2010

i don't know about you, but 2011 seems like it has the potential to be awesome. i hope i won't have jinxed it just by saying that. here are some things that lead me to believe that this is my kind of year...

1. the first week of january, i cleaned out my closet. you can't fully appreciate that without having seen my closet, but have you ever had something explode in a microwave? yep. pretty close.

2. we already filed our taxes.

3. i finally watched "inception" and "eat, pray, love".

4. i got unlimited text. does that explain why i might be texting you all the time for no good reason? partly.

5. i've taken all 3 boys to the grocery store by myself, twice! once in the dark! and i remembered my reusable bags both times! **note: i didn't lose anyone. nobody ran more than an arm's length from me. i was not suckered into buying any dvd's. this is PROGRESS.**

6. i made one colossal Sunday dinner consisting of 2 roasted chickens, mashed potatoes, rolls, and steamed zucchini. bonus: 2 pumpkin pies for dessert. (i imagine you clapping at this point.)

7. my mom, the tutors, and i took the boys to chuck e. cheese for the school fundraiser night. it went remarkably smoothly. i only had to sternly reprimand one child...and it wasn't my child. the boys and i all played air hockey (my favorite!) and i think we might need to get our own table (yes!). thank you, mom and tutors!

8. i feel luckier and more grateful for the people in my life.

9. january is the birthmonth for some of my favorite people: my mom, my aunt sharon, my sweet lucas (5! next week!) and also, my dear friend, k. which brings me to...

10. TODAY IS K'S BIRTHDAY!!! k doesn't like pda. but she does like my blog. k, you are the best kind of friend. i think 2011 is your year, too! love you!

here comes the sun

one of jacob's more straightforward spelling assignments





we're midway through the week before thanksgiving. the twins have minimum days all week this week because of parent-teacher conferences.



can i be honest? the thought of sitting down with the teachers and the boys is slightly terrifying to me. i feel disproportionately anxious about it. mostly, when i have to go to the school, i feel like a raw nerve. i feel exposed and emotional... easily hurt or angered. i feel like the teachers are always about to deliver bad news, the other parents are going to judge our family or say something insensitive, the other kids in the class are going to ask us a lot of questions about why the boys do the things that they do.



and it will hurt. all of it.



and i will react badly. and say something harsh. or, sometimes worse, i won't say anything. and it will get the best of me. and i won't enjoy spending time with my boys at their school. and marvel at their progress. enjoy their expanding independence. or mirror their enjoyment.



it seems like after all this time in the mainstream classrooms, i should feel a little more at ease, but i still feel like a visitor. like we're just pretending to belong there. and that feels like a huge weakness. and i have to overcome it because it is a luxury that i cannot afford.



so, in the spirit of thanksgiving, i will say that i am thankful that everything changes. that while all these past days i have been a coward, crying in my car after someone says something lame to me--- my boys have been going to their classes and smiling at their teachers, aides and classmates. and i can learn to smile, too. and risk the hurts. because everything changes. and tomorrow, there might be fewer hurts and the sting of those hurts might be less and less until it doesn't even register a flinch.