welcome, summer

ok.  technically, it is not summer.

but school is out.

the sun finally showed up.

and, although we've never felt more scholarly...

we're going to go ahead and call it.

it's summer.

today, to mark our first day of vacation, i made the "big, pink cake" that i promised jacob.

dear summer, make a wish

admittedly, it's lacking in aesthetics.  but it made up for its homeliness with handfuls of chocolate goodness (handfuls is accurate because lucas and i ignored our forks).  

jacob sang a modified birthday song and cut the cake when i wasn't looking.  isaac ate his entire piece within seconds.  and lucas basically re-enacted his first birthday, including getting cake in his nose.  

cubs

isaac, wishing i would take the picture already

lucas, ditto isaac

cake + kids + sun + free(ish) time = welcome, summer.  

Easter 2011

my three boys, Easter 2011

i cannot believe another Easter has come and gone.

in a lot of ways, Easter was more bittersweet this year.

luckily, the sweet parts were very sweet.

i decided to make a bow tie for each of the boys since isaac had been so disappointed

that only lucas got to wear one last year.

isaac specifically wanted his bow tie to be purple and yellow, as an homage to his 

alter-ego super-villain, the shockaroo.

finding a purple/yellow fabric that wasn't terrible, was a little tricky, but i think i like what

we came up with.  

jacob wanted his bow tie to be red because that's his favorite color.  

admittedly, the control freak within me wanted to veto that because it didn't seem Easter-y enough.  

i got over it, though, and he kept his bow tie on until bed-time 

and was disappointed when i had him take it off.  

lucas didn't care that i made him a bow tie, or what color it was.

he did wear it, though, and that won him enough points that 

he was able to get away with jumping on the trampoline for several minutes without

pants on.

we had to draw the line, however, when he removed his underwear and peed 

(on the trampoline).

that kid is shameless.

(shhhhhh...i kind of love that about him.)

after our annual egg hunt at grandma and poppa's house, 

we headed home to watch "tron" and make

Easter dinner.

i'm pretty sure that i won't remember much about the food.  

but, i hope that when i think back, 

and remember this Easter,

that i will remember feeling...

hopeful,

happy, 

and, maybe, a little triumphant.

spring break 2011: the beginning

it is spring break.  and...

we.  are.  thrilled.

the first thing i heard when i opened isaac and jacob's door yesterday morning was,

"spring break cancun, yeah!!!!"

and, though we have no actual plans involving cancun, we do have quite an agenda:

sky zone -  isaac
fiji -  isaac
make bow ties -  me
make shocka-suit for the shockaroo -  isaac
miniature golf -  jacob
park -  jacob

some of these will be easier to accomplish than others.  and one of them, we just completed yesterday.

(ragain and lucas have yet to submit their wishes.)

i feel relieved to have all 3 boys at home.  even though, we had a rough 45 minutes or so, last night.  

it's 9:30 AM, and we're still in our pajamas.  we have an egg hunt this afternoon.  and we have blueberry coconut cheesecake bars in the fridge.  

practically paradise.   

monday says "uncle"

                                                       lucas, sticky with melted chocolate   

first of all, let me wish you a happy autism awareness month.  it is april.  we have just celebrated our fourth world autism awareness day (april 2nd, as declared by the united nations).  my family and i, along with many of our friends and family have lit our porches and homes with a blue light to raise autism awareness.  it is a small gesture.  but hugely important.  

i will write more about it.  but not tonight.

secondly, the photo above was taken moments after lucas announced, "mom, i love chocolate."  

to be clear, lucas has gained a lot of language.  but the moments where he makes spontaneous statements, that aren't limited to requests or referencing of objects that he's looking at, are really rare.  they're the kind of "getting-to-know-you" sentences that give you an insight into what someone might really be thinking about.  or is really important to them.  and i reacted like you might if you were on a first date with someone who you were desperate to have a something in common with... 

"i love chocolate, too!!!!"  

my gushing could have been embarrassing, but there were limited witnesses.  

and now for today's stats:

one- promise to go to the park after school made quickly to prevent a before-school meltdown.  kiss on each hand of each twin as i walked them onto the schoolyard.  old gentleman who winked at me.  puddle-filled bathroom, after jacob decided to re-wash his hair in the sink after he'd had a shower.

countless- ounces of dr. pepper.  instances of near-tears. (me)  times forcing lucas to put his pajamas back on after he got water on them.  regrets over speaking harshly to the boys, even though i intended to give them a fun movie night. 

smiles given when- lucas climbed on my lap and watched a "how to make a paper boat" tutorial.  i had all three boys under covers while i read the fourth chapter of "the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe". and, when isaac and jacob, while locked in a vicious neck grip, had this conversation,

isaac:  "say 'uncle'!!!"

jacob:  "say 'cheese'!"

i am lucky.  and i am ready to put this day to bed.  

oh, and later this week, i have the opportunity to talk to a group of ladies about autism... fingers crossed for me, alright?

tucked in

my mom brings this rug over for her dog, shiloh, when

she comes to babysit.  lucas always hurries to find

nemo to tuck him in, you know, in the "anemone".

the twins are both sick.  they've been sick since sunday. 

feverish.  congested.  cranky.

the weather commiserates.  

gloomy.  gray.  rainy.

but the week cranks on.  tutoring meeting for lucas, planning team meeting with tutoring company and regional center, and last night, a meeting for a new autism "project".

i like new projects.  i like the renewal of hope and purpose.  and i like the energy and the shift of perspective.  

in one of my favorite documentaries about autism , a particular dad says something about the realization that your child has autism and that's it.  forever.  my heart always sinks when he says that part.  not because it resonates with me as true.  

but, because it doesn't.  

even though, i understand the heartache that made him say it.  

can i tell you something?  for me.  when it started to get lighter.  when i got my bearings.  when i could see straight.  when i could breathe without the word autism catching in my throat.  i saw the tiny platform, high above the ground, that my little family huddled on for what it was.  

a jumping off point.  

not the summary.  or the resting place.  it was the start of our trajectory.  and in the distance.  maybe beyond where anyone can see, is where we'll end up.  maybe it will have only been a few feet.  maybe a few thousand.  but that tiny, precarious platform was not "it".  and it is not "forever".  

and i am grateful to know that.  

at this moment,  i feel movement in the autism community.  there is a stronger commitment to awareness and an urgency to forward positive changes.  and there are moments when i get to be a part of that.  and i am lucky to have those moments.  i am even luckier, to get to think about them, from a warm spot at home.  tucked in with my sweet little boys, and an upturned icee on the carpet.    

***in response to the autism-related events and reading that i've been doing.  also, with an eye on the approach of april, as autism awareness month.    

last weekend, and last-last weekend

in a cage fight, between last weekend and last-last weekend, i think i know who would emerge victorious... but, you tell me.

last-last weekend:

we took the boys to the san francisco zoo.  they had fun.  we had fun.  we took family photos and looked toward the camera.  we saw a hippo, both in and out of the water.  we got souvenir pennies.  and rode a speedy little train.  we stared (sort of endlessly) at a colony of peacocks and admired their confidence.  we were not stalked by the snow leopard.  (that part was important.  the sacramento zoo snow leopard has us on its "if-i-ever-get-out-of-this-enclosure-i'm-gonna-eat-you" list.)  

good times.  see below.

 

last weekend:  

we took the boys miniature golfing.  for the first time.  ever.  

i blame saturday's good weather.  and the 7+ days of amoxicillin.  combined, they created a sense of invincibility.

as the photos may indicate, we had no interest in observing the rules of miniature golf.  

we did not keep score.  we did not line up the ball.  we sometimes swung the club like a baseball bat.  we sometimes clocked our little brother in the head.  we yelled into the lights that looked like megaphones.  

on the bright side, we made it through all 18 holes.  we did not cut into anyone else's game.  we didn't throw any of the balls.  we didn't recall any of the many episodes of america's funniest home videos where someone gets hit in the groin with a golf club, and try to re-enact it.  

i think we get bonus credit for that last one.  

and super-bonus credit because we learned something new.  we forgot (temporarily) that this type of activity might be really hard for us, and we did it anyway...

so, maybe, we have a tie.

home is where the hard is

although my day was rough, it wasn't nearly as terrible as my play-on-words title.

tuesdays are many things.  weekly tutoring meeting day.  wash-all-the-sheets day.  occasionally, election day.  and back-to-business day, because frankly, monday is usually more of a survival thing.

this tuesday was all it could possibly be.  i woke up feeling really disoriented.  that feeling lasted well into the morning when one of the tutors discovered me sitting semi-conscious in front of the laptop, earbuds half-in (i hate stuff in my ears), covered in powdered sugar (mouth, shirt, pants, etc.) and watching a middle-aged man lip synching to mariah carey.  in retrospect, this was actually one of the high points.

the low points went more like:

*  jacob has been refusing to say goodbye to me in the morning, instead preferring to say "thank you".  after extra prompting this morning, he modified it to "thank you, mrs. lippy".  it shouldn't bum me out, but sometimes, it does.

*  ragain's morning appointment turned into an all-morning-until-time-for-work appointment.  this was lame all by itself, but more lame because it meant no opportunity to run to the grocery store to get some child essentials.  apple juice = nectar of life, to lucas.

*  did i mention laundry?

*  i had to give compliance instructions to lucas for the better part of his morning shift.  this isn't hard, it's just time-consuming and vaguely disappointing since he only responded to 3 of my 9 directions.

*  the weekly tutoring meeting for lucas was geared toward familiarizing him with time-outs.  it's necessary, but setting your child up to get a time-out over and over again is rough.  especially when he has no idea why you're suddenly such a stickler about him listening to you the FIRST time you say something.  at first, he didn't seem that upset.  and it was sort of funny watching our director try to stay impartial as lucas kept saying, "why, martin? why?  let's play 'go play'.  martin.  martin.  why?"  but by the end, he looked exhausted and sad.  and i felt like a jerk.

*  lucas runs away from me when we walk out to the car to go pick the twins up from school.  he was still kind of anxious from the time-outs, and i couldn't really blame him for wanting to get away from me, but it freaked me out because i couldn't catch him right away.

*  the escape-attempt rattles me almost until i start crying, then i start the car and realize i'm out of gas.  mental expletives ensue.  crying almost erupts.  i settle down in time to not find a parking spot at the school.  (i thought people liked WALKING on nice days)

*  get kids.  get gas.  get milkshakes.  lucas conks out.  wake lucas.  balance milkshakes.  herd boys and backpacks inside.  direct shoe placing, hand washing, backpack hanging, get shorts for isaac who hates to wear pants any longer than required, grab homework folders, sort paperwork, choose incentives and pull boys to the table.

*  homework.  kids hate it.  i hate it.  we sit in front of it for 2 hours.

*  tutors come and leave, taking their delightful iphone apps before jacob can earn them.  this results in an inconsolable jacob.  luckily, isaac was right there to write the note in the photo (above) and stick it in jacob's face to end the sobbing.  shockingly, this tactic failed.

*  dinner, showers, nail care, new sheets on beds, chocolate mousse for dessert (eaten by 1, declared disgusting by others), vitamins, melatonin, book, prayer, lights out.

*  more laundry.  dinner for me- bag of kettle corn.


now, because i hate to leave things on a bad note, i will tell you...

k brought me a jamba juice and didn't laugh when i showed her my future craft projects.  


lucas and i eventually made up.


isaac listed the virtues of wal-mart during dinner.  hint: toys, candy, food and underwear.


jacob hugged me extra tight when i picked him up from school.  then he hugged lucas.  i guess he could tell we both needed a hug.

***tomorrow is the first official walk meeting of 2011!***